Wednesday I made a confession about some inner guilt and some mom guilt that I had recently from having to make some tough choices for improvement in my personal life. It made me think of some issues we may face in the SPARKLE world. So I thought I would extend that blog for the sparkle girl today and address a challenging subject when it comes to pageant competition… integrity!
There are many times in the sparkle world that your integrity can be questioned. That you have to make a tough choice to do what’s right or feel pressured into another direction.
I’ve been there more times than I can count. When you WANT to do something else, you FEEL you should say or do something, you get pressured into doing the opposite, not doing what is best for maybe…you! In so many aspects this can happen in your every day and as you prepare to Sparkle.
- In the Interview Room: You strongly believe in something, but you’ve done your research on the judge you’re in front of, so you answer in a different way even though it’s not truly what you believe just to stay politically correct so you don’t offend anyone.
- In a Title: You don’t feel comfortable making a certain appearance, or you really just don’t want to miss an event in your life, say your kids soccer game instead of making that appearance but you know it will make your director happy and its what you SHOULD do, so you do it anyway.
- In Pageant Preparation: You’re preparing so hard for your next competition, focusing on the things that you need improvement but know that you have to make appearances but the same time your spare time you DO HAVE left is really needed for your family. So you neglect them, do the appearance, just to have a photo to post on social media so people/judges know you’re raising awareness for your title and your platform.
- In Husbands: Every husband is supportive in the pageant world but sometimes it can be too much. You have a sparkle event with the husband invited, you want him to go, but in reality, you know he really doesn’t “want” to go. He’ll go for you to support you, you know that, so you drag him anyway. Is that a good wife?
- In Sponsors: I’ve seen this a lot! The response time, organization skills, or turn around time of a photographer, coach, make up artist, clothing designer, director, or any sponsor… STINKS! Say your waiting for a response or an item YOUR paying THEM for and it is taking FAR longer than their committed or anticipated time frame. Their organization or work ethic just really… isn’t what you hoped it would be. You really don’t want to upset anyone, ruffle any feathers, or cause any issues, but you know you have a deadline to meet… do you say anything? So you throw it under the rug or delicately try and put as much POLITE pressure on them as you can and hope it will eventually work. Now in my day to day life, in real life, if I’m paying you or you owe me service, and I’m waiting for YOU on MY deadline, or I haven’t received what I paid for, there wouldn’t be a delicate way of handling things. There would be firm factual conversation then an attorney to deal with it. So why do we let it go by us in the Sparkle world?
- As a Mrs: letting someone disrespect you or treat you unfairly. Whether it be a staff of an organization, another contestant, or a woman at an appearance because she’s threatened by you really, or she doesn’t grasp the sparkling world and seeing a grown “Mrs.” with a crown she doesn’t quite understand. Most small minds don’t, right ladies? ;)-
I was asked to judge a pageant once that in my heart, to be honest, I wasn’t a fan of the director. Their ethics was something I couldn’t really stand behind or support. I felt bad if I were to say no, but did I judge… NO. There is the point where I think I started to realize my value over the last few years. I guess that comes with the little grey highlights in my hair too. I realized I’m a successful businesswoman, with a loving family, respected in my community, and heck through the 20 years of finding myself in the sparkle world, I’ve grown great amount respect… not for my accomplishments but for THE PERSON I AM, I don’t NEED the unnecessary drama. I would be disrespecting myself if I said yes, plus I’d rather be at my son’s basketball game anyway.
Have you sacrificed yourself to please a coach or director? Do you sacrifice your answer on how you really feel to be politically correct and not hurt anyone’s feelings? Do you support a system when it goes against your character or ethics? Do you say or not say something to a contest/friend that you are afraid to say or not because you know the truth is really not what they want to hear? Do you let someone disrespect you because of their own feelings or misunderstandings of themselves and the world?
The old me would’ve, Heck I think I may have let some of these things happen far too more than I would like to admit. But I’m a human right and we learn, and we learn our worth too. The old me would have done the same thing as I’m sure we all do. Go with the flow, do what’s best, try not to ruffle any feathers, and tread lightly. Because after all you really don’t want anything getting in the chance of how hard you’ve been working or don’t want to upset anyone’s feelings. We’ve all been there done that I’m sure.
But after years of being a titleholder, competing, judging, being judged, being so involved in different organizations, I’ve learned that when your integrity is questioned to follow your gut. Sometimes it stinks and you have to make some hard choices because they may upset a few people, but if you handle them professionally and with integrity in the long run when the dust settles you’re actually more respected.
Even as a judge if I’m sitting there at a table interviewing a girl, you can tell if she doesn’t feel the emotion, you can tell that they are agreeing to agree. When someone is passionate and truly believes in what they are speaking about you can see it in their face, you can hear it in their voice, you can feel their honesty in their presence and you can feel their integrity!
In today’s times, it’s OK to be you! It’s actually cooler, more respected. Standing up for differences, for what you believe, for what’s right, is a new STYLE! So my advice to you would be stick with your gut and follow your integrity. Don’t compromise yourself or your integrity. OWN what you believe in and WHY! Own what makes you and makes you HAPPY! At the end of the day if you do the right thing, for you, your hearts happier when you look at yourself in the mirror before you go to bed and when you wake up.
So as you prepare for your next pageant, ask yourself: Do YOU SPARKLE with INTEGRITY?
Happy FRIDAY Mom Queens!