I’ve been asked hundreds of times from SPARKLE girls to coach. I actually considered it for a VERY brief moment. Only because I find myself on the phone with SPARKLE girls or by messenger constantly offering free advice or experience when I should be working, which I don’t mind IF it’s quick and geared specifically, I actually enjoy it and love it.
Lately, I’ve had some SPARKLE girls randomly send me their judge’s bio or platform page and ask AFTER they send it if I would consider looking it over for them. Now, this I’m not a fan of and I do mind. It’s actually surprising to me because the amount of time it would require to really give honest feedback, the time I don’t have.
I love offering free advice here and there, I enjoy it, but I like them have a lot on my plate and asking someone to do this for free to me doesn’t show they respect my time or the fellow sparkle girl that spends hours with coaches creating and paying for theirs. We all have limits right. Sorry I think this is mine. It would be like me sending a ton of images to a marketing friend and asking her to create a Business campaign for me at no charge. Ummm. A platform page and bio page is a very critical piece, free advice is one thing but that’s just a LOT! God Bless coaches, because they really do earn their making.
This is why I love this SPARKLE topic on my blog so much it’s my way of helping and offering TONS of Sparkle sisters my free advice but on my own time. I think it’s valuable for spending 23 years in the pageant world having successes to share that knowledge and experience to help other SPARKLE girls in their own journey.
Just like everyone else my time is valuable, I run several different businesses, have two children, a full-time job, and my own goals and passions I’ve been working diligently hard for over a year. This is my little way of helping around my schedule, putting it out there, helping many at once so WHEN or IF A SPARKLE girl needs it, it’s there to hopefully help in some sort of way.
Besides time though, The #1 reason I do not coach is one of those SPARKLE phone calls I had this week!
It’s because I know I can not be responsible for another person’s actions. I can’t control what another does, not even my own kiddos sometimes lol. No coach can control if a girl is supposed to be working diligently on her fitness prep and she picks up that taco, or if a girl puts so much pressure on herself that she is completely stressed out come competition time and falls apart during the interview… I or no coach can control or be responsible for another girls actions but then the contestant will be the first to blame THEIR COACH, YOU, or SOME FACTOR for not winning, even if their the only one responsible for them! That’s why I can’t bring myself to do it.
I’ve seen it and heard it a million times!!! Contestants passing blame on some factor besides themselves. Some seem to look to seek blame in some form or fashion to either the system, the judges, their coach, their dress, the director, any reason… but they never self reflect on themselves and look for the growth.
This week I had a fellow sparkle sister call me randomly and ask to talk, she was filled with self-doubt and anxiety about competing because of some of the things she’s heard from other sparkle sisters. It’s making her question competing and getting all in her head before the competition has even begun!
She’s “heard” that you have to use the sponsors to win, that you have to know a former to win, that you have to wear a certain color to win, you have to be blonde to win, you have to be tall to win, you have to have children to win, you have to do these specific things in order to win. She was told.
So I asked her to look back at every past winner and see if they did all of those things, did every one of them do all those things she’s heard?
The answer is no.
Do you have to use the sponsors to win? No! Do you have to wear a specific color to win? No! Do you have to be blonde to win? No! Do you have to have children to win, No! Do you have to use a specific coach to win? No! Do you have to have a specific platform to win, No! Do you have to know somebody or the director in order to win? No! All you have to do to win is BE the best person for the job at that moment that’s it!
So then I asked her, did the people telling you these things actually win themselves? Did they win this EXACT title?
No! They did not!
Bingo! Instead of growing from the loss they chose to pass the blame.
Are they the director or are they a judge? No! The answer was all no once again. Bingo. Passing blame. Making excuses.
So I told her most likely whoever you’re hearing this from probably didn’t win themselves, did they? Exactly!
It’s easier for us emotionally to get through a loss by making up a million excuses on why we didn’t win. Trust me I know I’ve been there too. But if we take a minute and go through the growth we’ll see there’s no specific reason or pointed blame to anyone. Think, It couldn’t possibly be you sweetheart, could it?
I told her instead of choosing to grow, the first thing they did was start pointing the finger. Making excuses. Not realizing that it’s no one else’s fault, not even their own! It’s just the simple fact that somebody else at that moment was just better for the job, that’s it.
Not because the girl who won used the sponsors or the girl who won had a specific dress color or specific hair color or what have you. She won simply because at that moment she was better for the job.
The problem is when we all lose, we don’t take a moment to get past the hurt and ask ourselves what WE COULD’VE DONE BETTER!
Instead, we start to create these fakes scenarios in our heads to justify or blame the loss like it was out of our hands. It was actually but for very different reasons that don’t involve passing the blame on someone or thing.
There is no checklist or criteria in any system. Believe me, I have won in each system in some way I would know if there was. I wasn’t told of any secret requirements other than what’s on everyone’s same paperwork. There is no secret thing one must do or follow to win. I never did exactly what the previous winner did nor did we have much in common, compare past winners, we are all very different, every former is very different than the other.
So instead of pointing the finger to everyone else, my purpose of this blog is that we all take a moment to heal, to look at ourselves, to think about how we can improve before making excuses and myths on what someone must do to win and why we didn’t.
So after I calmed my sparkle sister down, the first thing I advised her was that if she was going to have sparkle friends in the sparkling world to help hold them accountable just as much as herself accountable for our actions. THAT’S how we all get better! That’s how we all grow! That’s how we can sparkle a little bit brighter. With failure comes growth and through growth comes success and if you do win, realize you weren’t better than anyone else there, you were just better for the job at the moment.
I hope this helps you think a little bit when you hear these little myths, don’t let them prevent you or stress you out about competing!
If you do hear such accusations check the source and I hope you NEVER believe ANY of them.
Because the truth is if you’re the best person for the job you don’t have to do any of them!
Happy Thursday Mom Queens!