A little of a SPARKLE Blog for you QUEENS, not just queens though for every girl really…
Now that state pageants and most national pageants are almost wrapped up for the year, I really wanted to reiterate this topic and phrase because let’s face it… there is ONE girl leaving with that crown. Only one, but so many more with crushed hearts and hurt spirits. I know I’ve been there.
Just remember in your soul that this is a TRUE fact, not a “make you feel better statement” but a VERY TRUE fact:
different day, different judges, different contestants, more contestants, different venue, different system, different questions, there are SO MANY “differents” it’s endless: but you are GUARANTEED a DIFFERENT Winner! Period.
If your a SPARKLE girl I know you’ve had to hear this little phrase before.
It’s so true though, so why are we so hard on ourselves?
Well, at a national level girls work for a goal for SO long. Months probably for states and then if they win their states they immediately start prepping for nationals so really they’ve been preparing for the entire year! Some girls even plan to sign up a year ahead so that way they have the entire year to get ready physically, mentally, and financially (let’s face it wardrobe isn’t cheap)! They even work their entire year preparing their appearances, platform, and interview game to ensure it’s above par! So the reason it can dim our SPARKLE for a bit is that when you prepare so hard it’s tough not to really ask yourself why if you’re not the lucky winner.
Gosh, I was just at my first preteen pageant watching my niece and that was SO hard to watch those girls get off that stage… so young! It really crushes you for these preteens… and teens. I called my husband and explained how I was comforting one in the bathroom, a complete stranger, and how it just tore me up. He, the “guy” he is, the #boydad he is, raising them “tough” explained to me “well babe, it’s life and it’s something we all have to experience at sometime… failure, “losing”. I’m so quoting that and phrasing it in my mocking man voice as I type. But, Wow! Remind me not to call him next time I loose lol! Jk babe! He is right though, but it is hard to watch, especially for the the littles.
Adults though, I just don’t get. This may sound a little harsh but hear me out because this is WHY. I’m hoping something below or maybe a WAY of thinking will help YOUR perspective the next time your hurt and how you can TRULY be HAPPY for that new QUEEN and not be in tears or filled with question.
I’ve seen girls in dressing rooms literally sobbing, on stage crying, storming out of the building completely ticked, girls trying to catch their breath, as if their the ONLY ONE that was crushed that evening. Reality is they are NOT! I’ve blogged about this before but what does it say about their true feelings about the girl that was on stage WITH them now comforting THEM? After math would think that girl didn’t feel in her heart THAT comforter has just the same amount of passion, ability, or possibility she was filled with herself right? Why is SHE so devastated, when the other SHE shouldn’t be? hmmm… Harsh I know, but true if you think about it from another’s perspective.
I also understand some people are a little stronger than others or express themselves emotionally a little different. I can’t think of one time you’d ever see my cry over a crown as an adult. Not once. I don’t think I ever did as a late teen entering pageants or even in my twenties. Matter of fact, I don’t think I ever did as a teen. Now yes, I know I’m stronger than most, but it doesn’t mean I’m bullet proof or STONE proof from GLASS houses.
I’ve just realized a few things throughout my life that at that moment when I’m crushed, I think and realize the reality, the truth! THIS is what I want to share with you and maybe the next time when we do feel like that heartache from such a sport, or even career decision, heck even mom life that these realizations can help make that blow a little less harsh and a little more easy on your souls IF YOU can see the reality about YOU!
Now don’t get me wrong YES, I’ve tried to dissect things after a big “L”, judged if it was truly ethical, or got hard on myself about it but I never needed time to get over things. Never. I just keep moving. Now a pageant hangover is totally different! lol. You SPARKLE girls reading this can relate lol! A week of go-go-go, the stress, the craziness, the 4 am wake up calls, the drama, the being away from your support team, ohhhh yes I’ll take a few days for a pageant hang over for sure! lol But to be hurt or go over the million “DIFFERENTS” to justify why I didn’t walk away with the crown… no ma’am, never!
Why don’t I if I’ve worked SO hard preparing for months just as EVERY girl on that stage.
A few reasons:
1- I know I’m not alone, I did a blog on this before Your Not The Only One Sister, but basically, well frankly I’ve realized through a lot of CRAP in my life that sometimes, just sometimes, things aren’t always about ME. I hate to put it that way but it’s true ladies, sometimes it’s about something or someone NOT you. Maybe it’s about that other QUEENS purpose, maybe it’s about REDIRECTING YOUR FOCUS to where it’s purpose needs to be. Think about that hard.
For instance I l’ll never forget once I was in the running for a national title amongst 60 plus girls, was having so much fun with my team, had a VERY good shot it was so comical how I messed up, but I did and it was impactful. My husband and I still look back and laugh as I took a top 3 spot that National. My brain literally left the building and I didn’t have a care in the world about it on stage in front of everyone on video. I now know why I really didn’t care, I got home and 3 days later my son was starting his first round of testing for ONE of his 7 disabilities. Something to really care about. The START of our 7 year journey of discovery on what makes him so unique, yet so AWESOME was then. I didn’t care that night at all, I enjoyed where I finished went to dinner with my family that flew in, there was bigger plans for me my life was about to take a different direction.
Think about it, no time for no crown. My attention needed to be with him, what that year played out was NOT ABOUT ME it was a crucial beginning of HIM. I was about to discover my true strength of being a mom.
2- I know I’ve worked pretty darn hard to have a pretty darn amazing LIFE. It’s not luck thats for sure! I KNOW in my heart that I seriously AM a winner IN LIFE. Heck let’s be honest,when I was a teen off course I didn’t feel this way! Or as a young Miss, but what I did know is that I’ve been through worse, worse let downs, and not winning a title? lol! NO comparison. I’m A SURVIVOR. A WINNER. A WINNER at LIFE! What’s winning a crown going to make or bring me that I can’t get or have without? Nada!
I DON’T NEED A CROWN TO DEFINE ME OR VALIDATE ME. NOR THAT PROMOTION, OR TITLE, OR STATUS. I’ve worked very darn hard to have a pretty awesome life I have and if pageants ALL GO AWAY. I’m still going to be successful and SO ARE YOU! LOOK AT YOUR NOW! HOW FAR YOU’VE COME and BE PROUD DON’T DISCREDIT THAT!
Here’s another for instance, we all talk about doing things for the title or doing things for our platform, or giving that crown a purpose. Well heres one for you ladies, REALITY CHECK: when you DO have a title or a crown that makes you SUPER busy, actually REQUIRES a commitment guess what… there’s not much extra time! Let me tell you how much TIME you have left for YOUR TRUE PURPOSE, None! Your so busy promoting, appearances, traveling, on top of your JOB, family life, what have you… YOU have no time. Where I felt and were I KNOW my purpose was, the busier I got the LESS it left time for what FILED me, my purpose. Sorry ladies it’s a job and duty calls amongst your gazillion other things. If you are that QUEEN reading this and thinks you HAD time still, well then you commitments weren’t as busy as mine, period. Lol. GRASS IS GREENER WHERE IT’S WATERED ladies, heard of that? So whats really your motive for that crown, or that purpose?
3- I also never let it CONSUME me. Yes, if you ask anyone that knows me well, like really knows me, they’ll tell you I prepare for a pageant as if I’ve never won, as if I have everything to loose. I prepare like no other, I leave no detail untouched so I don’t walk off that stage with regrets. Period. Basically so I can’t What IF myself to death. I give it MY ALL. Yes I prepare, BUT I carefully pay close attention while preparing to NOT LET it consume my entire life!
Yes I work out more and have a gazillion extra things to do when preparing but I don’t neglect my everyday life, my commitments, my work, my family, my friends. I REMEMBER WHAT IS IMPORTANT.
Example of this: I competed just 48 hours after our family business BLEW UP! Like I’m not kidding BLEW UP! My husband and I sat and watched what could’ve been our future, what could’ve DESTROYED us and thousands of others that rely on us. Still recorded as the largest fire in that tri-county history.
It was the year I came back as a former, first as a previous state title holder to come back to compete for that same state title amongst over 55 AMAZING women to be able to represent the state of TX again with just a SHOT at the Mrs. America title AGAIN. Let me tell you I wasn’t going. My priorities we’re in line and I wasn’t showing up. I needed to be at work, I WANTED to be! With my family, with my co-workers, with my husband. I wanted to and needed to be home to help pick up the pieces, help with the endless nights he wasn’t home with the kids to ensure we WERE going to get back on our feet.
I KNEW what was important and willing to walk away without a care. Well I was, but my husband wasn’t going to let me. He said I was going, he could handle the news and the properties on my behalf. He wasn’t going to let me miss what I worked so hard for so I went with half of what I planned too and literally a complete internal emotional chaotic mess inside my head, and I won.
There was bigger plans for me, BUT I KNEW MY PRIORITIES. As I prepared for Mrs. America, as one of the first formers to hit that stage, I never ONCE let it get in my way of helping and supporting US as a family to get BACK on our feet in record history! PRIORITIES! Line yours right ladies.
ACKNOWLEDGING YOUR PRIORITIES while your competing helps YOUR MIND STATE REMAIN SANE AND FOCUSED ON WHAT’S REALLY IMPORTANT. The crown is NOT it. Trust me.
4- There is ALWAYS A REASON TO RISE! The old saying when ONE DOOR CLOSES ANOTHER DOOR OPENS, yes!
Sometimes when we lose one thing it’s just a stepping stone to get to where we really need to be. Where WE fit most.
We can’t see it at first, put when the last card is dealt we do. Accept that this MIGHT be the case for you, NOT just for pageants too! IT may mean it leads you into a different path in the SPARKLE world, or a different PATH that you meet someone on this journey that may LEAD you to a next! Maybe you met a sister that had a wonderful adoption journey and she introduced you to her contact and your starting a new journey yourself. Maybe it led you into directorship, maybe it led you into understanding your path is in a COMPLETELY different and in some way by some how, you won’t know unless YOU GIVE IT TIME to show itself.
OK last example lol, here, now, with Mom Queen. This might be a little too much truth but in NO WAY is meant to be bad. It was a STEPPING STONE or realization of what I did NOT want to be involved in or with in the SPARKLE world. I’ve had to make some hard choices that were tough for me, that I didn’t WANT to make but I had too… (so here goes a little too much truth here)
I couldn’t with the clicks, the social media groups, some of the politics I discovered and the drama anymore. It was starting to cause me to hate something I loved. So I had cut some things and people out from a distance.
Listen, I’ve been involved in so many different competitive systems, worked with so many in the BIZ, made friends with so many SPARKLE girls along the way that I’ve truly seen the good and the bad in all aspects in pageantry.
I’ve seen and still see some really UGLY and some really GREAT but when your inner twined with almost EVERY system out there, it gets hard and it’s complicated. Through the years you discover stupid clicks, the ‘FRIENDS” that really aren’t your fiends unless they NEED something or think that being friends with you in some way will better their chance. So much dissatisfying truth about some people and some things, that I realized what I truly LOVE about the SPARKLE world. That is being in it … but from afar!
Far enough to my give input and take what I need WITH a grain of salt. Not close enough to be WRAPPED up in all the silly he said she said, she’s friends with them, and their in that circle crap that I could really give two TOOTS about!
The Cut throat sneaky and conniving behavior, I just can’t do. Sorry that’s just me, I’m not everyones friend and I’m totally OK with that. Heck I try and if it doesn’t click, you still will get RESPECT from me. Not immature keyboard bashing or character bashing behind the scenes. I’m a truth talker and a realist. Again PRIORITIES ladies remember I run several different companies, PRIORITIES!
At first when I hung my heels I thought that maybe I would direct. My mom has always wanted to, gosh she would love that and we could do it together, but no way! Then I thought I would coach, ummm Nope! No way. God Bless those that do because I’m telling you SPARKLE girls…their jobs are TOUGH. Trying to keep everyone happy, wear all the hats, it’s a tough and VERY consuming job. SO I found MY NITCH!
THIS RIGHT HERE!
This giving of my journey to help make yours a little easier and SPARKLIER! It fills MY SPARKLE PASSION while I hope it helps YOURS.
Those other things are not meant for me, this makes me happy. No clicks, no crazy, no drama, from the comfort and quiet of my peaceful and kind keyboard ;)- lol Drama Free and heck if people don’t want to read, they don’t have to, easy as that. No harm no foul.
FIND YOUR FIT, DON’T be afraid to TRY new things or new paths in this journey YOUR DOOR IS THERE!
THE HARDER THE FALL THE HIGHER THE RISE MOM QUEENS
Heck, I’ve had girls messaging me before THEY EVEN LEFT from nationals trying to direct WHAT it could’ve been… before they even had their scores… before they even had a chance to cure that after pageant hangover!
LET IT BE.
It’s SO true, THE HARDER THE FALL THE GREATER THE RISE IN ALL THINGS EVENTUALLY IF YOU GIVE IT TIME! I’m hoping these four things can help cushion that fall, they have for me through the years, and no matter what ANYONE says, KNOW they are true for YOU!
Happy ALMOST THURSDAY MOMM QUEENS! It’s late but I’ve been writing this one for awhile now today… Secretly High Fiving those that read the whole thing lol! ;)-